Even though the bible says there is nothing new under the sun, often times during my lifetime, I always believed that my most horrible sin, had only been committed by me and no one else. In fact, some sins that I will not tell anybody but God... are still planted deep in my heart, and yes, even though God has forgiven me, like a bad habit, sometimes, my guilt returns. But God... reassures me daily that as far as the east is to the west, my sin shall rise no more...

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After getting married in 2006,  I had two miscarriages.  The first one came in 2007, I miscarried after 13 weeks. Puzzled by the tragedy, my doctor ran a few test and concluded that my body did what it was suppose to do and rejected the fetus because of possible abnormalities.  A few additional test, concluded that we had a son.  I was absolutely devastated but I secretly named my baby.   Ironically, as people tried to comfort me, I heard comments like "what did you do", "well sweetie you know God knows best",  or "you and your husband are getting older.  My personal favorite was "maybe it just isn't meant to be".   Was I being punished for a past sin? After my own personal pity party, " God" sent someone my way with these words.

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Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not into thy

own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge

him and he will direct your path.

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In 2008, I became pregnant again, filled with more joy, I still yet, was very afraid.  But I was also excited because I had been given another chance, another "baby".  I didn't tell many people this time, but after about five weeks, I started bleeding. I went to the doctor, and wouldn't you know it~ another miscarriage. I don't know what the sex of the child was this time, it was too early to determine. I do know one thing, I had lost another child.

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In 2009, I made a personal commitment to share some private pains  with my immediate family and I was  able to forgive myself and God released me.  Immediately my body was healed.  Any hold that Satan had on me, my body, or my mind  "God set a table before me in the presence of mine enemy" and my cup "overflowed" and in April 2010, I gave birth to Jamyla Antoinette Duke.  

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